


U.N.D.E.R.T.O.W.

by KayProm



Category: EXO (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Crack, Group chat, M/M, Memes, Trolling, tbh the ships aren't that important
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2018-09-17 04:03:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9303317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayProm/pseuds/KayProm
Summary: U.N.D.E.R.T.O.W.Undersized Nefarious Dignitaries Enraged and Ready to Take Over the World





	1. Underway

_Names:_

_JijiOnThatBeat: Jihoon_

_YoonNeedJesus: Yoongi_

_TrebuJAY: Jay Park_

_D.OropTop: Kyungsoo_

_JoeFuelMeltsStaleMemes: L.Joe_

_XiutingStars: Minseok_

 

* * *

 

 

Finally. After having to wake up in the wee hours of the morning, go from morning practices, to rehearsals to music shows, to whatever else their manager throws in between. And then, slinking away to his studio to produce music for hours on end, Jihoon is finally done for the day. As he toes off his shoes by the front door, he can basically taste the sweet release of sleep. Crawling into bed, he ditches his phone on the side table, and burrows himself deep in the blanket. He feels Seungcheol move behind him, and feels an arm wrap around his waist, pulling him flush with the body behind him.  

He closes his eyes, ready for sleep to take him when; 

_BZZZ_  

_BZZZ_  

_BZZZ_ _BZZZ_ _BZZZ_  

_ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!_ He's already regretting opening his eyes when he grabs his phone to see 17 messages ( _and counting_ _!_ ) from his Skype chat asking him to hop on at this very instant, lest Yoongi himself _"marches down to_ _his_ _dorm and drags him_ _out of bed."_ Jihoon doesn't deny the fact that the older would probably do it too, so, as much as he would rather not, he pries himself from Seungcheol's warm embrace, tucks his laptop under his arm, and walks into his make-shift studio a.k.a. the hall closet. Usually when he takes his skype calls he's actually _at_ his studio, but he's not in the mood to walk 10 minute in the cold just to humour his hyungs for an hour. 

In the closet was already a low table, and a back pillow from the many times he's come there in the middle of the night from a stroke of inspiration. He turns on the light switch and closes the door as he plops himself down on the ground. 

~JijiOnThatBeat joined the call~ 

**YoonNeedJesus** : Took you long enough  

The younger rolled his eyes as he adjusted the gigantic headphones on his head.  

**JijiOnThatBeat** : Sorry I was actually sleeping for once at 2:30 in the morning. 

**TrebuJAY** : Now see, that's where you fucked up. Producers don't sleep. 

**JijiOnThatBeat** : Yeah, yeah. So what's so important that I had to be up for this? 

**YoonNeedJesus** : Once L.Joe and Kyungsoo get here we'll fill you in. 

~D.OropTop joined the call~ 

**YoonNeedJesus** : There's one of them 

Kyungsoo's face popped up on the screen with a lack of any expression.  

~JoeFuelMeltsStaleMemes joined the call~ 

**JoeFuelMeltsStaleMemes** : The fuck y'all want 

**TrebuJAY** : Well hello to you, too, angry elf 

**JoeFuelMeltsStaleMemes** : Watch it, Park  

**JijiOnThatBeat** : Can we not? Seriously. 

**JoeFuelMeltsStaleMemes** : Whatever, just speak so I can go back to bed 

**YoonNeedJesus** : I think it's about time we discuss more about Operation: UNDERTOW  

**JoeFuelMeltsStaleMemes** : And we had to do this at 3 o'clock in the morning because…? 

**D.OropTop** : Well it's not like we can get away from our groups at any other time 

**TrebuJAY** : Heh, sucks 

**JoeFuelMeltsStaleMemes** : Seriously, Park. Shut it before I go over there and shut it for you 

**TrebuJAY** : Wow. Temper, temper 

**JoeFuelMeltsStaleMemes** : YOU WANNA GO?! 

**YoonNeedJesus** : I swear on Namjoon's left nut if you two don't stop-- 

**TrebuJAY** : Your memes are so outdated, L. 

**JoeFuelMeltsStaleMemes** : AT LEAST PEOPLE KNOW WHAT MY MEME IS 

**JijiOnThatBeat** : Hyung, can you just start explaining, please 

**YoonNeedJesus** : Alright, so you know how-- 

~XiutingStars joined the call~ 

**XiutingStars** : You shits better not be starting without me 

**TrebuJAY** : Wouldn't dream of it, chipmunk 

**XiutingStars** : Save it for someone who's actually interested, Park 

**TrebuJAY** : Worth a shot 

**YoonNeedJesus** : If you two are done flirting, as I was saying-- 

"Hey, Jihoon. You in here?" Seungcheol said as he opened the door to the closet.  

"Hyung!" Jihoon gasped as he quickly closed his laptop lid and whipped around to see the older who was staring at him curiously. "What are you doing here?" 

"Just seeing what you were doing. I woke up and you weren't there" 

"Sorry, I just thought of some things and wanted to try them out" 

"Can I he--" 

"NO! …I mean. I haven't finished it yet. Later." 

"Oh, okay. Well… good luck. Come to bed soon tho, okay?" 

"I will." 

"I love you, Jihoonie." 

"Love you too." 

As the door shut, Jihoon opened his laptop to see Jay Park and L.Joe making kissy faces to the camera. 

**TrebuJAY** : I love you, Jihoonie˜ 

**JoeFuelMeltsStaleMemes** : And I love you too Seungcheollie˜ 

**JijiOnThatBeat** : What the actual fuck? 

**YoonNeedJesus** : You still had your mic on. 

**JijiOnThatBeat** : Fucking A 

Jay and L.Joe continued to make obnoxiously loud kissy faces as Jihoon glared at them 

**XiutingStars** : Guys it's a quarter to 3 can we PLEASE get this over with 

**YoonNeedJesus** : Right, so as I was saying, I have a plan to-- 

"Hyung?" 

"For fucks sake," Yoongi groaned as he removed his headphones and turned around in his chair. "What the fuck do you want?" 

Jimin was taken back as he quickly wiped at the tears in his eyes. "I-I had a bad dream," the younger stuttered. 

"Jiminnie," Yoongi said as he muted his mic. "Come here." As the younger walked over to him, Yoongi pulled him into his lap and held him.  

"I'm sorry for interrupting you, hyung," Jimin said as he glanced at the computer where he could see a couple of other idols talking/laughing, meanwhile Kyungsoo and Jihoon were sitting there with straight faces. "What are you doing?" 

"It's not important, Jiminnie," Yoongi said as he kissed the top of the younger's head. "Come on, let's go to sleep. Just go to my bed, I'll be there in a second" 

Jimin nodded as he shimmied off the older's lap. Once gone, Yoongi slipped back on his headphones and un-muted his mic. 

**YoonNeedJesus** : Let's call it for a night 

The majority of the members in the call simultaneously groaned, except for Kyungsoo; 

**D.OropTop** : Fucking finally 

~D.OropTop left the call~ 

**JoeFuelMeltsStaleMemes** : Oh come on, Yoongi! 

**JijiOnThatBeat** : So you woke us up at fucking balls o'clock in the morning for nothing? 

**TrebuJAY** : Woozles has a point 

**JijiOnThatBeat** : Don't call me that 

**XiutingStars** : How are we going to get anything done with UNDERTOW? 

**TrebuJAY** : Such a forced acronym just sayin' 

**YoonNeedJesus** : We'll do it later. Y'all single fucks can go back to fucking into your fist, I have to take care of my sunshine. 

**JoeFuelMeltsStaleMemes** : That was both cute and raunchy at the same time. Well done. 

**JiJiOnThatBeat** : Well since we're done here I'm going back to sleep. Later, hyungs. 

**TrebuJAY** : Goodbye my sweet, shining diamond. 

**JijiOnThatBeat** : Gross  

~JijiOnThatBeat left the call~ 

**YoonNeedJesus** : I'm out too 

~YoonNeedJesus left the call~ 

**TrebuJAY** : And then there were 3 

**JoeFuelMeltsStaleMemes** : Uh-uh, that ain't happening 

~JoeFuelMeltsStaleMemes left the call~ 

**TrebuJAY** : I guess it's just you and me, Xiuminnie 

**XiutingStars** : Nope 

~XiutingStars left the call~


	2. The Take-Joe-ver

~JoeFuelMeltsStaleMemes is online~ 

**TrebuJAY** : ayo joe-joe 

**JoeFuelMeltsStaleMemes** : *sigh* what you want 

**TrebuJAY** : do u get called L.Joe or Byunghun more? 

**Joe** **FuelMeltsStaleMemes** : L.Joe 

**TrebuJAY** : y 

**JoeFuelMeltsStaleMemes** : same reason ppl call you jay and not jaebum. its easier. 

**TrebuJAY** : fair enough 

~D.OropTop is online~ 

**TrebuJAY** : KYUNGSOOOOOOOOOOO 

**D.OropTop** : Great. You're here. 

**TrebuJAY** : don b like that bae you loooooveeee me 

**D.OropTop** : No 

**TrebuJAY** : not even a litle? 

**D.OropTop** : No 

**TrebuJAY** : ╥﹏╥ 

**D.OropTop** : ( ͡° ل͟ ͡° )╭∩╮ 

**TrebuJAY** : (ﾟ艸ﾟ;) 

~JoeFuelMeltsStaleMemes changed his name to Joe-verwhelmed~ 

**TrebuJAY** : i thougt ur last name wuz bad 

**Joe-** **verwhelmed** **:** what? Its punny! 

**D.OropTop:** eh 

**Joe-** **verwhelmed** : no one asked you soo 

~TrebuJAY changed his name to Joe-ver-rated~ 

**Joe-** **verwhelmed** : wtf! 

**D.OropTop** : lol 

**Joe-** **ver** **-rated** : OMH KYUNGSOO JUST LAUGHED AT YM JOKE PiNCH ME IM DREAMING 

**D.OropTop** : ... 

**D.OropTop** : Forget I said anything 

**Joe-** **ver** **-rated** : NO WAY iM SCERNSHOTTING TIS ND KEEPING IT 4EVER 

**Joe-** **verwhelmed** : JAY CHANGE YOUR NAME BACK 

**Joe-** **ver** **-rated** : NEVR1!!1!!!!! 

**Joe-** **verwhelmed** : THIS IS IDENTITY THEFT! 

~D.OropTop changed his name to Joe-lar_Eclipse~ 

**Joe-** **verwhelmed** : not you too soo (ಥ﹏ಥ) 

**Joe-** **lar_Eclipse** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

~JijiOnThatBeat is online~ 

**Joe-** **verwhelmed** : JIHOONIE! Tell them to stop picking on their hyung 

**Joe-** **verwhelmed** : (づ￣ ³￣)づ 

~JijiOnThatBeat changed his name to FindingNem-Joe~ 

**Joe-** **verwhelmed** :ヘ(￣ー￣ヘ) 

**Joe-** **verwhelmed** : you guys suck 

~Joe-verwhelmed is offline~ 


	3. notice me senpai

~YoonNeedJesus is online~ 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : is2g if y'all don't get on in the next 15 seconds imma go to each and every one of your dorms and drag you guys out of bed 

~Joe-verwhelmed is online~ 

~Joe-ver-rated is online~ 

~FindingNem-Joe is online~ 

~Joe-lar_Eclipse is online~ 

~XiutingStars is online~ 

 **XiutingStars** : do I even want to know? 

 **Joe-** **ver** **-rated** : no wut? 

 **XiutungStars** : the names?? 

 **Joe-** **lar_Eclipse** : fuck 

~Joe-lar_Eclipse changed his name to D.OropTop~ 

~FindingNem-Joe changed his name to JijiOnThatBeat~ 

~Joe-ver-rated changed his name to cyaJAYter~ 

 **Joe-** **verwhelmed** : and you criticized MY name?! 

 **Joe-** **verwhelmed** : (╬ಠ益ಠ) 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : you guys done? 

~Joe-verwhelmed changed his name to teentopcomebackinmarch~ 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : -_- 

 **D.OropTop** : -_- 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : -_- 

 **cyaJAYter** : realy? 

 **teentopcomebackinmarch** : just wanted to remind you guys we're still a thing ;D 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : right... 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : anyways, can you guys video chat? We have things to discuss 

 **XiutingStars** : afk 

 **D.OropTop** : Busy 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : Can't. I'm working 

 **cyaJAYter** : i just don wanan 

 **t** **eentopcomebackinmarch** : I can!!!! 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Working on what, Hoon? 

 **t** **eentopcomebackinmarch** : ლ(ಠ益ಠლ) 

 **cyaJAYter** : LOL DENIEDDDDDDDDDDDD 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : getting a head start on the next album 

 **t** **eentopcomebackinmarch** : y u do dis yoongles 

 **t** **eentopcomebackinmarch** : i thought wat we had was SPECIAL!!!!!!! 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : you just had a comeback. you should take a break. 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : I'll survive 

 **teentopcomebackinmarch** : NOTICE ME SENPAIIIIIヽ(*≧ω≦)ﾉ 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : just don't push yourself too hard, Ji. Everyone deserves a break once in a while 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : Alright. Thanks, hyung. 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Anytime 

 **cyaJAYter** : awww i luv father/son bonding moments <3 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : shut up, Jay. 

 **t** **eentopcomebackinmarch** : OH SURE u notice jay but dont pay attention to me i c how it is 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : I guess if none of you can chat rn then you guys can go 

 **teentopcomebackinmarch** :（；￣д￣） 

 **teentopcomebackinmarch** : but... I can chat???????? 

 **XiutingStars** : alright. talk to you guys later 

 **cyaJAYter** : bye beautiful! 

~XiutingStars is offline~ 

 **D.OropTop** : I'm going too 

~D.OropTop is offline~ 

 **teentopcomebackinmarch** : but yoongi we can discuss if you want 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Go to sleep soon, Jihoon. 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : If you're still working when I head off to bed you're in trouble 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : That's not fair. You're like 80 years old. Of course you go to sleep earlier. 

 **cyaJAYter** : BURNNNNNNNNNNN 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : sleep with one eye open, kid 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : later guys 

 **cyaJAYter** : l8r! 

 **teentopcomebackinmarch** : wiat yoongi\\! 

~YoonNeedJesus is offline~ 

 **teentopcomebackinmarch** : i give up(ノ#-_-)ノ 

~teentopcomebackinmarch is offline~ 

 **cyaJAYter** : lol 

~cyaJAYter is offline~ 

~JijiOnThatBeat is offline~ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear i have nothing against l.joe i just like to see him suffer


	4. auf wiedersehen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> auf wiedersehen: the german word for "good bye" or more literally translated to "until we meet again" <3

~teentopcomebackinmarch is online~ 

**cyaJAYter** : L are you really leaving teen top? 

**cyaJAYter** : I read the article about you changing your insta handle and now contract termination  

**cyaJAYter** : We're your friends! How can you make such a serious decision w/o informing us? 

**D.** **OropTop** : You know it's serious when Jay uses proper grammar and punctuation 

**cyaJAYter** : Just because I choose not to use it doesn't mean I can't 

**cyaJAYter** : And yeah this is serious! Why didn't you say anything?! 

**YoonNeedJesus** : What exactly is going on? 

**teentopcomebackinmarch** : I guess there's no point trying to hide it now 

**teentopcomebackinmarch** : This wasn't just an overnight decision. I've been thinking about this for a while now. 

**XiutingStars** : And you were gonna tell us when exactly? 

**teentopcomebackinmarch** : Well I was gonna do it the other night when we were all in the chat but then Yoongi ignored me 

**YoonNeedJesus** : Somebody get Jihoon online he needs to be here for this 

**cyaJAYter** : why's your name about the comeback if you're not even going to be a part of it?? 

**teentopcomebackinmarch** : Just because I won't be in Teen Top anymore doesn't mean they won't be around 

**teentopcomebackinmarch** : L.Joe is not the end all be all of Teen Top 

**teentopcomebackinmarch** : Also, if you could call me Byunghun now I would appreciate it 

**cyaJAYter** : What does this mean for UNDERTOW? 

~JijiOnThatBeat is online~ 

**JijiOnThatBeat** : Yoongi quit blowing up my phone 

**cyaJAYter** : BYUNGHUN IS LEAVING TEEN TOP 

**JijiOnThatBeat** : ...my date night can wait 

**JijiOnThatBeat** : What's this about? 

**teentopcomebackinmarch** : I don't want to get into it too much I just think that it's about time I did something else with my life 

**JijiOnThatBeat** : ...I don't know what to say... 

**YoonNeedJesus** : Are you crying, Hoon? 

**JijiOnThatBeat** : No shut up you're crying 

**teentopcomebackinmarch** : I didn't know you cared so much, Hoonie 

**JijiOnThatBeat** : Fine leave idc 

**YoonNeedJesus** : Does this mean you're leaving UNDERTOW too? 

**teentopcomebackinmarch** : Well there's no point in planning the idol-uprising if I'm not an idol, right? 

**cyaJAYter** : I'm not an idol. 

**teentopcomebackinmarch** : But you're still a singer. I want to do something else now. 

**YoonNeedJesus** : If you ever want to just drop by to say hi, you're always welcome 

**teentopcomebackinmarch** : Thanks yoongi :) 

~teentopcomebackinmarch changed his name to Byunghun~ 

**Byunghun** : I guess this is goodbye, guys 

~Byunghun is offline~ 

**cyaJAYter** : now I feel bad for making fun of him all the time... 

**D.OropTop** : me too... 

**cyaJAYter** : I don't feel like chatting anymore... I'm gonna go. Good night, fellas. 

**D.OropTop** : Good night, Jay. 

**XiutingStars** : Night, Jay. 

**JijiOnThatBeat** : Good night, hyung. 

**YoonNeedJesus** : Later Jay 

~cyaJAYter is offline~ 

**D.OropTop** : What does this mean, Yoongi? 

**YoonNeedJesus** : ...I don't know. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well i'm sad now. sorry for this depressing chapter i promise it will go back to being funny next time


	5. we must rebuild

~YoonNeedJesus is online~ 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : I was thinking it was time we thought about rebuilding our ranks 

 **D.OropTop** : This isn't war, Yoongi. It's a chat room 

 **cyaJAYter** : byung has barley been gone a week dont we get sum time 2 mourn first? 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : He left his group. He's not dead 

 **cyaJAYter** : HE MITE AS WELL B!!! 

 **XiutingStars** : And here I was just starting to get used to Jay using correct grammar 

 **D.OropTop** : Who are you thinking, Yoongi?  

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Well first off they have to be like us 

 **XiutingStars** : Short? 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : ***Undersized 

 **XiutingStars** : Short. 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : And evil 

 **cyaJAYter** : but ur 2 cute 2 be evil <3 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : -_- 

 **XiutingStars** : So; short and has an attitude. 

 **XiutingStars** : Any ideas? 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : Definitely not any of the rookies from last year. They're all either too sugary or giants 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : lol u sound like an old man 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : Well you would know 

 **cyaJAYter** : OOOOOH BURN! 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : *ignores* 

 **D.** **OropTop** : What about Wooseok or Wooshin or whatever that guys name is 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : From UP10TION? 

 **cyaJAYter** : no idea who tat group is but dam love that name. like attention but not. 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : Yes, I'm pretty sure that was what they were going for. 

 **JijiOnThat** : And he's like 175 cm that’s too tall 

 **D.OropTop** : You know you're short when "175 cm" is too tall 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Don't pretend like you're a Titan. You go on your tiptoes to reach the top shelf too 

 **XiutingStars** : Yoongi aren't you like 176 cm? 

 **XiutingStars** : You're the tallest in the chat 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : ...that's a first 

 **cyaJAYter** : and jihoons the shortest 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : Yes, yes. Rub it in. 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : I'm not sure about Wooshin tho 

 **D.OropTop** : Why? 

YoonNeedJesus: He's too good looking 

 **cyaJAYter** : jelous r we? 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : We have to be able to blend in. Visuals stand out too much. 

 **D.** **OropTop** : That's fair 

 **cyaJAYter** : yo what bout my boi Dok2 hes pretty short 

 **D.OropTop** : Just because he's a rapper doesn't mean he has what it takes to be in UNDERTOW 

 **cyaJAYter** : nah nah here me out hes like got a tude 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : Tude? 

 **XiutingStars** : I think he means like attitude 

 **cyaJAYter** : xiu gets me 

 **XiutingStars** : And how I wish I didn't 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : What about Jo Kwon 

 **cyaJAYter** : fuck tgat 

 **cyaJAYter** : no jyp 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Taeyang's short. And now that Big Bang is on hiatus he's probs not as busy 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : He's too nice. 

 **cyaJAYter** : what bout taeil? hes savage af 

 **D.OropTop** : NCT or Block B? 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : B's taeil is harmless the fuck? 

 **cyaJAYter** : but hes got tats 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : So? That doesn't mean he's evil. GD has tats and he's literally a marshmallow. 

 **XiutingStars** : NCT's Tae is the same height as me and soo. And he's pretty savage 

 **D.OropTop** : Haechan's also a turd 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : Yuta's the only one I can kind of see being in the group. Like I said, the rookies from last year are too sugary. 

 **cyaJAYter** : thx old man jihoon xD 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : So; Yuta, Dok2, and Wooshin? That's it? 

 **D.OropTop** : What about some girls? 

 **XiutingStars** : Girls make Jihoon uncomfortable and get Jay hot and bothered 

 **cyaJAYter** : accurate 

 **D.OropTop** : …gross 

 **cyaJAYter** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

 **XiutingStars** : If N was slightly shorter I'd suggest him 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : The only evil thing about N is that he made me do aegyo 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : That monster 

 **cyaJAYter** : U CAN CALL ME MONSTER 

 **D** **.** **OropTop** : Stop 

 **cyaJAYter** : IM CREEPING IN UR HEART BABE 

 **XiutingStars:** Jay. 

 **cyaJAYter** : u guys r no fun :P 

 **XiutingStars** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Alright well I guess that's a start... If you can think of anyone else let me know 

 **cyaJAYter** : aight yoongz 

~YoonNeedJesus is offline~ 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1: i totally thought i posted this chap already xD it's literally been sitting in a doc for a week just waiting to be posted so im sorry about the wait  
> 2: i'm kinda at a loss as to who to add as a character. i really liked l.joe but i feel kind of weird writing about him (even if he's not technically leaving until after there next comeback or something??? idk i'm really bad at the legalities of the kpop industry i'll be honest) so if you know of a short male kpop idol (under 176 cm) that is evil or looks secretly evil then let me know :) it's lonely in the chatroom with only 5 of them


	6. all aboard

~YoonNeedJesus started a call~

~JijiOnThatBeat joined the call~

~cyaJAYter joined the call~

~XiutingStars joined the call~

~D.OropTop joined the call~

 **cyaJAYter** : Wow this is impressive for us I don't think we all have joined a call so quickly before

 **D.** **OropTop** : Well, considering we all were told that we would start the meeting at 8 o'clock, and it is in fact 8 o'clock as we speak I don't find it  _that_ surprising.

 **XiutingStars** : I mean, this _is_ us we're talking about though

The guys all shrugged.

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Anyways, you guys know why we're all here, right?

The guys all nodded their heads except for Jay who looked lost.

 **YoonNeedJesus** : We’re voting on L's replacement?

Jay still looked lost

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Did you not read my email?

 **cyaJAYter** : What email?

The 4 other guys sighed simultaneously.

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Whatever, it's not important. We're gonna be bringing three guys in to the call and afterwards we'll vote on whether we let them stay in the group, or we let them go.

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : We're really going to let them know our plan and then let them leave? Just like that?

 **YoonNeedJesus** : As far as they know they think UNDERTOW is just a friendly group chat.

 **XiutingStars** : So how do we interview them then?

 **YoonNeedJesus** : We just have to ask them the right questions. I'll bring the first guy in...

~YoonNeedJesus invited KillerKihyun to the call~

~KillerKihyun joined the call~

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : Kihyun hyung?

 **KillerKihyun** : Jihoonie? I didn't know you were in this call?

 **cyaJAYter** **:** Whaaa- Jihoon letting someone call him Jihoonie? Not fair

 **D.OropTop** : It's 'cause he doesn't like you.

 **cyaJAYter** **:**  I'm hurt, Jihoon

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : You'll get over it

Kihyun bowed to the camera

 **KillerKihyun** : Hello, sunbaes

 **XiutingStars** : You can drop the formalities. We're all friends here.

Kihyun blushed and nodded his head.

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Thank you for joining us, Kihyun.

Kihyun laughed nervously

 **KillerKihyun** : Why do I feel like I'm going in for a job interview right now?

 **XiutingStars** : We just wanted to see if you were right for this group chat

 **KillerKihyun** : Like, sense of humor wise?

 **cyaJAYter** **:**  Yeaaaaah sure. Let's go with that

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Kihyun, how would you describe your personality?

 **D.** **OropTop** : You filling out a fucking dating application, Yoongi?

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Shut up.

 **KillerKihyun** : Uhhhh... I guess I would say Yandere?

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Why?

 **KillerKihyun** : I feel like people think I look really friendly but like my members think I'm a bit of an ass

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Would you say you like being an idol?

Kihyun laughed

 **KillerKihyun** **:** If I didn't know better I would think you we're asking if I wanted to join an underground rap group

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : Trust me, no one's asking you of all people to rap

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Just answer the question, please.

Kihyun rubbed the back of his neck

 **KillerKihyun** : I mean, I'd be lying if I said it was all perfect. 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Would you say you want to make it better?

 **KillerKihyun** : Uh... I guess? Yes? Yes, I would want to make being an idol better

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Alright, final question; would you say that you are short.

 **KillerKihyun** : Undeniably, yes.

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Alright, Kihyun that is all for now. If you don't mind we're gonna drop you out of the call for a moment while we discuss, just give us one moment.

 **KillerKihyun** : Oka--

~KillerKihyun left the call~

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Thoughts?

 **cyaJAYter** **:**  He's cute

 **YoonNeedJesus** : I meant on whether or not he should join the group

 **D.OropTop** : I don't see why not

 **XiutingStars** : I feel like he's similar to Byunghun, so I'd say yes

Jay Park gave two thumbs up to his camera.

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : I feel like he'd work

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Then it's unanimous. I'll bring him back in the call

~YoonNeedJesus invited KillerKihyun to the call~

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Congratulations, Kihyun. We all took voted and we all agree that you would be a good member for our team

 **KillerKihyun** : Sweet! Now, can I ask what exactly I'm joining?

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Take it away, Jay.

 **cyaJAYter** **:**  Jihoon, drum roll please

Jihoon rolls his eyes but begins drumming his fingers on his desk anyways.

 **cyaJAYter** **:**  For years we have lied waiting in the shadows, ready to make our mark upon the world. No longer will we tolerate being the butt of jokes. No longer will be called "shorty" or "smurf" or "oompa loompa." We've had enough of people looking down at us because of our size. We will have our revenge. We will show the world that you don't have to be 180 centimeters in order to be sexy. That our personality is more important than our height. We are ruthless! We are infinite! We are UNDERTOW!

 **KillerKihyun** : So... it's a group chat where you rant about being short?

 **D.OropTop** : Basically, yeah

 **cyaJAYter** **:**  We also share recipes

 **KillerKihyun** : All right, I'm in

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Welcome aboard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interview 1: Complete  
> Any guesses who the other two guys will be? ;)


	7. no going back

**D.OropTop** : Alright who's next? 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Next up is Yuta. You told him the time right, Xiu? 

 **XiutingStars** : Yup he's ready whenever. 

Jihoon threw his head back and groaned. 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : Really? You guys picked Yuta? Could you pick someone  _taller_ to add? 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : He's the same height as me 

 **cyaJAYter** : Aw poor wittle Jihoonie scared of the big bad Yuta 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : Don't sleep tonight, Jay. Anyways, isn't the point of saying "undersized" to point out a significant height difference between us and the other members in our group? 

 **D.OropTop** : Nope, we're only called undersized because when the group was started we all just happened to be angsty short dudes who watched Finding Dory. 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Yeah, it was pretty forced 

 **cyaJAYter** : We see the undertow and we say  _let's_ _go_! 

 **XiutingStars** : I think Yuta is excited about the group-chat. He just texted me asking if he should dress up 

 **cyaJAYter** : Awww how cute!! Tell him to wear a vest! 

 **D.** **OropTop** : Jay, you're the oldest one here. Would it kill you to act like it? 

Jay responded by sticking his tongue out to the camera. 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : If no one has anything else to say then I'm going to bring him in 

~YoonNeedJesus invited TakoyakiPrince to the call~ 

~TakoyakiPrince joined the call~ 

 **TakoyakiPrince** : What's up, fellas? 

 **cyaJAYter** : Aww look at his little vest! I vote we let Yuta stay in the chat forever 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : The kid has said three words 

 **cyaJAYter** : And that was three more than necessary 

 **D.OropTop** : Run while you can, Yuta. 

 **TakoyakiPrince** : Wait, what's going on? 

 **cyaJAYter** : You're confusing my poor child! 

 **XiutingStars** : Pro-tip, Yuta; just ignore everything Jay says. It makes it much easier 

 **cyaJAYter** : STOP TRYING TO TAINT HIS MIND ALREADY 

 **TakoyakiPrince** : Don't worry, Jay hyung! I never listen to Minseok anyways. 

 **D.OropTop** : He's a goner. 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Yuta I'm going to ask you a few que-

 **XiutingStars** : Listen here you little shit

 **cyaJAYter** : You can't speak to him like that!

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Uhm guys? If we could focus for just a second

 **XiutingStars** : Show some respect to your sunbaes. You're only here because we allowed you to be.

 **cyaJAYter** : He doesn't need to take that from you! Don't worry about him, Yuta. He's just jealous because EXO isn't as popular as it used to be

 **XiutingStars** : YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

 **JijiOnThat** **Beat** : Hyung, might as well forget about the interview 

 **TakoyakiPrince** : Interview? 

 **D.OropTop** : Yoongi was going to ask you some stupid questions but it's not important now 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : That was uncalled for 

 **cyaJAYter** : Get rekt scrub brr brr brr brrrrr 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : Was that supposed to be an air horn sound? 

 **cyaJAYter** : Yeah why? 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : It was that awful I just had to clarify 

 **TakoyakiPrince** : Uhm, so does that mean I'm in the group? 

 **cyaJAYter** : Of course, baby! We would never kick you out in the cold! You're one of us, now! 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Yes, because fuck it. Who needs democracy anyways? 

 **TakoyakiPrince** :Oh okay. Is it alright if I ask a question then? 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : This whole chat has already derailed so go for it 

 **TakoyakiPrince** : Why do you guys all have such weird screennames? 

 **cyaJAYter** : Son, I think it's time I teach you the art of memeing 

 **TakoyakiPrince** : Son?

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : If there is a God up in heaven, please never let Jay reproduce 

 **D.OropTop** : Amen 

 **cyaJAYter** : I feel attacked 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Jesus Christ, guys, is it so hard to have a normal conversation for 10 minutes? That's all I'm asking 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : Don't you think that's asking a bit too much from some of us, hyung? 

 **XiutingStars** : Yuta, do you know why you're here? 

 **TakoyakiPrince** : Because you guys needed someone fun unlike you and Kyunggie? 

 **cyaJAYter** : I never knew parenting was for me until I had a kid 

~TakoyakiPrince changed his name LittleJay~ 

 **D.OropTop** : I thought one Jay was bad enough 

 **cyaJAYter** : I love being a father 

 **LittleJay** : Appa! 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : We're gonna regret this aren't we 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : No going back, now. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh i love yuta that little shit  
> one more member to go. any guesses to who it's going to be? i'll give you a hint; no one has mentioned him yet ;)  
> stay tuned~


	8. instant regret

**cyaJAYter** : Well I think that went perfectly, don't you guys think? 

 **D.** **OropTop** : Yeah.  _Perfect._ Anyways, who's the last one, Yoongi? 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : One sec I'll send him in 

~YoonNeedJesus invited Henryyy to the call 

~Henryyy joined the call~ 

 **Henryyy** : Ahhh finally! You guys decided to let me join your little club! 

 **YoonNeedJesus** :  Guys, you probably know Henry. Henry, this is everyone else 

 **Henryyy** : I'm hurt Yoongles! You let the pink Tofu join before me! 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Yoongles? 

 **XiutingStars** : Pink tofu? 

 **Henryyy** : He knows who I'm talking about 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : My hair hasn't been pink in years 

 **Henryyy** : Hush little one. Adults are speaking.  

 **cyaJAYter** : This has officially been the greatest day of my life I think. 

 **Henryyy** : So tell me what I have to do now, yeah? Do I have to go through some sort of hazing process? Perhaps proclaim my undying loyalty to your cause? Sign my name in blood? 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Before you actually can become a member, we have to ask you a few questions. 

 **Henryyy** : Ah, I'm great at those. Alright shoot! Come on! 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Number 1-- 

 **Henryyy** : I'm already bored. Make this more exciting! 

 **D.** **OropTop** : Are you sure you want him in the group? 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : He was the only one available 

 **Henryyy** : Of course you want me! I fit all the criteria, ain't that right Yoongs? 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : We'll see if you ans-- 

 **Henryyy** : Alright, alright I'll answer your questions. Lay 'em on me! 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : How would you describe yourself? 

 **Henryyy** : Are these your questions? Yoongi, baby, sweetheart, come on amp it up a little bit. 

Yoongi closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  

 **YoonNeedJesus** : You're trying my patience 

 **Henryyy** : Okay okay, relax. No need to pop a blood vessel. Let's see, now how would I describe myself... godly for one. Uhm, a man. Handsome. You wanna know my ideal type too? 

 **D.OropTop** : Yoongi will you kick him already 

 **Henryyy** : Hey now! I was just messing around. Come on you guys know you want me in this group 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : I'm starting to reconsider the options now 

 **Henryyy** : Think about it. You guys are all quiet and shit, yeah? You need someone who can work the variety game. Hit 'em from all angles, amirite? Plus, I mean look at me. C'mon. You know I'm perfect.  

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : I have a hard time believing he can be nefarious 

 **Henryyy** : WHAT?! I am so evil I am like Evel Knievel. That's how evil I am. I am just the evilest. Let me prove it to you. 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : You have 30 seconds 

 **Henryyy** : HEY! WHAT? OKAY I... Shit. Okay, Xiu, hun, come on vouch for me. 

 **XiutingStars** : What could I possibly say that could vouch for you 

 **Henryyy** : You hit me in the dick you owe me this one 

 **XiutingStars** : Look I lost control of my arm swinging-- 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : 10 seconds 

 **Henryyy** : Come on guys please just let me join I would be such a good addition! I'm good at speaking. I can speak English, Korean, Mandarin, Cantonese, FRENCH! No one here speaks French. Parlez vous français? Didn't think so. And look maybe I'm not scary like you guys, but I can be intimidating! Just let me prove it. Please, Yoongi, please let me prove it? Please? 

 **YoonNeedJesus** : Fine! If you shut up you can join 

 **Henryyy** : YES! You will not regret it! 

 **JijiOnThatBeat** : I think we already do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to sincerely apologize to lake of wisdom, guest: bias wreckerrrr, and anyone else who wanted taeil to be the final addition to the group-chat. I tried really hard to fit him in, but unfortunately the type of character I was aiming for had too different of a personality. I'm v sorry OTL 


End file.
